Learning

I.

Amaya rubbed her hands together, showering bread crumbs on the grass, and watched the turtle-ducks peck at the soggy loaf bobbing in the water. She reached out for another chunk of bread. Zuko chuckled, grasping her wrist.

“Amaya, slow down. You need to make the pieces smaller for the turtle-ducks, okay?” He pinched the edge of the loaf between his thumb and finger and tore off a piece the size of his thumb. “See? No bigger than this.” And he tossed the bread into the pond.

“Okay.” Amaya ripped off a piece of bread and dropped it into the water. “Daddy, when’s Auntie ‘Zula coming home?”

Zuko paused. Amaya gazed up at him, blinking from the harsh light of the sun.

“I don’t know, Amaya. In a couple of weeks, I think. Remember, Azula is trying to protect Fire Nation citizens—she can’t come home too early.”

“Well, I think it’s stupid.” Amaya glowered at the pond. “She missed my birthday.”

“I’m sure she regrets that,” Zuko said. Sometimes lying was the best policy. Amaya frowned at him so he added, “Especially when she learns she missed your first Firebending.” That, at least, was true enough.

“Really?” Amaya smiled briefly before frowning again. “Only I think she’ll be mad ‘cause I couldn’t control it and set you on fire on accident.”

Zuko vividly remembered the hem of his robes going up in flames. “She’ll be sorry she missed that. She would have found it hilarious.” That, he felt, was truer still.

But Amaya seemed intent on being negative. “And she didn’t send me a present!”

“I’m sure she’s just been busy.” Not, of course, that Azula had ever gotten Amaya a present before, but if Amaya didn’t remember that, Zuko wasn’t going to tell her.

“Do you think--Auntie ‘Zula!” Amaya leapt to her feet and tore across the courtyard. Zuko looked up. Azula was walking around the edge of the courtyard with Toph, and she turned to watch Amaya race toward her.

Amaya threw her arms around Azula’s waist. Azula twitched.

“Auntie ‘Zula, guess what? Guess what I did!”

Azula frowned, prying Amaya’s arms from her waist. “What?”

“I can Firebend! It was at my birthday party—I’m five now, Auntie ‘Zula—and I set Daddy on fire!”

Azula smirked and ruffled Amaya’s hair. “Congratulations.” She looked up at Zuko as he approached. “Did she give you another scar, Zuzu?”

Zuko grit his teeth. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in the Earth Kingdom for at least two more weeks.”

“There was a change of plans,” Azula said. “We found out where the Earth Kingdom sav—” Toph elbowed Azula hard in the side, scowling, and Azula glared. “The Earth Kingdom rebels were hiding. It was an abandoned town about seven miles away from the colony, hidden in the mountains. We burned it down.”

Zuko’s lips twitched into a frown. “Why didn’t I receive word of this?”

“We had to move before the rebels found out, Zuzu. I’m sure you can understand that.” Azula smiled sweetly, and Zuko clenched his fists.

He forced his hands open. “What happened to the survivors?”

Azula’s smile instantly turned to a smirk. “What survivors?”

Zuko’s eyes widened. “Azula, you can’t—”

“You took out all the rebels, Auntie ‘Zula?” Amaya said. To Zuko’s horror, she sounded awed. “Really?”

“Of course I did.”

“Wow.”

Zuko glanced up, and he and Toph shared a troubled frown.

II.

Amaya crouched behind a pillar and peered around it, watching Azula closely as she moved fluidly from stance to stance, blue flames shooting from her hands and feet to lick the air. She made it look so easy. Azula dropped to the ground, sweeping her leg in a wide arc, sending a wave of fire over the training ground, jumped to her feet, and then—Amaya’s eyes widened—swept her hands through the air, electricity crackling from her fingertips.

With a crash that made Amaya clamp her hands over her ears, lightning lanced upward into the sky, beautiful and deadly. Her eyes remained locked on the sky long after it faded.

“Amaya, where should you be, right now?”

Amaya blinked and looked around the pillar. Azula stood several feet away, arms crossed. Amaya swallowed.

“I…I’m supposed to be at my Firebending lesson.”

“And why aren’t you there?”

“Because I wanted to watch you instead…can you teach me how to make lightning?”

Azula’s frown deepened. “No.”

“No? Why? I can do it!”

“No, you can’t. You don’t have the discipline or the skill. Go to your lesson.”

But I want to learn from you,” Amaya said. “You’re the best!”

Azula narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t Zuzu your teacher?”

“Only sometimes,” Amaya said. “The rest of the time it’s Captain Chan.”

“Chan?” Azula raised an eyebrow. “He’s your Firebending teacher?” She hesitated, appearing to mull something over.

“I don’t know why Dad picked him either,” Amaya said, scowling. “He’s a jerk. And stupid. I’d rather learn from you.”

Azula gazed down at her for a moment. “Because I’m the best,” she said. It wasn’t a question.

Amaya nodded.

“What about the Avatar? He’s a Firebending Master, and he visits here often enough. He could be your teacher.”

“Yeah,” Amaya said slowly, sensing this answer was vitally important, “but he can’t control blue fire or lightning. And he isn’t any where near as smart as you are either.”

Azula’s lips twitched into a brief smile, but for a moment, Amaya thought Azula was on to her.

“Show me your forms.”

Amaya blinked, hesitated, and then slowly went through her forms. Azula watched her closely, and Amaya sped up. The basic forms were precise and graceful, but Amaya was uncomfortably aware of Azula’s eyes boring into her, and her moves grew sloppy. Azula frowned.

Amaya blushed, ducking her head.

“You were trying too hard,” Azula said. “Do it again.”

Amaya went through the forms five more times, becoming increasingly frustrated and nervous.

“Again,” Azula said.

“Aunt Azula, I know these forms, I just—”

“I said, do them again.”

Amaya swallowed. For a moment, she considered refusing. She started through the forms again, taking her time and trying to push the thought of Azula’s disappointment from her mind. It went much smoother, and Amaya thought she saw a hint of satisfaction in Azula’s expression.

“Better,” she said. “Now watch me and do what I do.”

They went on like this for half an hour, Azula showing her a move and Amaya copying it, sometimes doing it simultaneously, before anyone else showed up. Amaya cupped a ball of fire in her hands, feeling the heat radiating off it, hotter than she’d ever managed before, admiring the blue tinge to its base.

“Amaya!”

Amaya looked up, the fire dissipating. Zuko approached them, looking furious.

“Why aren’t you at your lesson? Why didn’t you tell anyone where you were? For all I knew, you could have been kidnapped!”

“Relax, Zuzu,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “She was with me the whole time.”

Zuko opened his mouth, glanced at Amaya and immediately shut it.

“It’s true, Dad,” Amaya said. “I was with Aunt Azula the whole time. She was teaching me Firebending.” Something flickered in Zuko’s eyes that she couldn’t place. “I learned a lot. Way more than I learned from Chan.” She hesitated. “Could Aunt Azula be my teacher from now on?”

Zuko frowned. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Don’t worry, Zuko, I’m not going to tell her to do bad things, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Azula said, smirking. “I’ll make sure she eats her vegetables and takes her naps.”

“I don’t need naps!” Amaya said indignantly. Azula tossed her a smirk, and Amaya realized she had only been joking.     

“Azula,” Zuko growled.

“Please, Dad, please,” Amaya said. “I want Aunt Azula to be my teacher.”

Zuko frowned, but Amaya knew he had never been able to resist her puppy-cat eyes. “Fine,” he said. “Fine.”

Amaya grinned.

III.

For as long as she could remember, Amaya had wanted to be like Azula: smart, beautiful, cunning, powerful. She wanted to walk with precise and confident strides, to be able to command armies and strike fear into her enemies’ hearts, to be able to form brilliant plans that would bring glory to the Fire Nation and herself.

For hours she would imagine herself as the conqueror of great cities like Ba Sing Se, acting out those dreams with her friends as enemy soldiers. One by one, they would fall by her hand, and hers alone until she single handedly took the city—just like Azula did.

Better than Azula, she thought. I did it on my own.

When she was seven, Azula became her Firebending teacher, and she progressed more rapidly in the art than she ever had under Chan’s tutelage. It was clear that she was a prodigy—perhaps not as much as Azula had been—but close enough that it gave Amaya thrills to think about, and she knew it worried her father and mother.

Amaya was one step closer to realizing her dream; she could almost taste it.

By the time she was eight, her flames were tinged blue without her even thinking about it. Amaya delighted in this, frequently hiding away just to sit and stare at the ball of fire in her hands.

“How long did it take for you to get blue fire?” Amaya asked.

Azula stared at the fire in Amaya’s hands impassively. “Your fire isn’t blue yet. I doubt it ever will be.” She turned her gaze to Amaya’s face. “But my fire was fire tinged blue when I was nine.” Her eyes narrowed. “Of course, I didn’t have a teacher.”

That was true, and Amaya knew that. She knew Azula had had to figure it out on her own, but that still didn’t deter the glow of pride inside her. It didn’t stop a voice from whispering in the back of her mind:

“You’ve surpassed your aunt. You’ve surpassed Princess Azula.”

And it didn’t stop her from thinking, One day, I’ll be greater than she ever was.

IV.

Amaya scowled, stalking through the Palace halls toward her room, soaking wet. She saw a brief look of dismay from one of the Palace servants; she realized they must have just finished this hall.

Good, she thought, dragging a foot over the floor, leaving a streak of mud in her wake. At least, I’m not the only one who’s miserable.

She rounded the corner, paused, and ducked back around. Azula stood outside her bedroom door, frowning at Ty Lee.

“Azula, what’s this I hear about you throwing Amaya in a pond?” Ty Lee said.

“Nothing.” Azula turned, but Ty Lee placed a hand on Azula’s shoulder, stopping her.

“Toph just told me you threw Amaya in a pond.” Ty Lee frowned. “Why would you do that?”

Azula glared and attempted to shrug off Ty Lee’s hand. “She just needed to be taught a lesson, that’s all. She won’t attempt any ridiculous stunts again.”

“What did she do?”

“She and her little friends were going to ambush me using one of the hidden passages in the Palace.”

“And that warranted you throwing a nine-year-old in a pond? What could she have done? Really? You could have sent them running home in less than a minute.”

“Would you rather I had made them cry?”

“No,” Ty Lee said, glaring, “but you didn’t have to embarrass her either. You could’ve told Mai.”

Azula laughed humorlessly. “And let Mai know Amaya is turning into a cowardly, manipulative bitch like me?”

Amaya began to lean further out around the corner, intrigued, but caught herself and shrank back.

“You’re not any of those things,” Ty Lee said softly, letting her hand slide down to rest above Azula’s elbow.

“Mai’s words. Not mine.”

Ty Lee sighed heavily and pulled Azula into a hug. Azula didn’t return it, but Amaya watched with raised eyebrows as Azula rested her head against Ty Lee’s shoulder.

V.

Amaya pushed her bedroom door closed, scowling. After years of practice and hard work, she had finally managed to create her first spark of lightning. It had crackled at her fingertips and made her hands tingle, and though the spark fizzled and died without going anywhere, it had filled her with elation. She was only eleven, and here was her first spark of lightning.

It was short lived when she discovered, an hour later, that she would no longer be training with Azula. No one would tell her why.

Amaya glared at Ty Lee who sat on her bed. “What do you want?”

Ty Lee took a deep breath. “I want to talk to you about Azula.”

“Do you know why I was banned from being her student?” Amaya demanded, flopping down in a chair near Ty Lee.

“You need to turn it around,” Ty Lee said. “She was banned from being your teacher.”

“It sounds the same to me.”

“It’s not. You think you’re being punished for learning to create lightning, right?” Ty Lee paused, and Amaya nodded slowly. “Well, you’re not. Azula’s being punished—for teaching you to create lightning.”

“But why?” Amaya said. “I don’t understand, and no one will tell me!”

Ty Lee leaned forward and placed a hand on Amaya’s knee. “That’s why I’m here. I’m going to tell you why.” She gazed at Amaya for a moment before leaning back on her arms.

“Zuko didn’t want Azula to be your teacher in the first place,” Ty Lee said. “He was worried of what might happen. He already knows that you want to be like Azula, and that thought scares him. I think it might scare Azula too, but she’d never admit that.”

“Why?”

Ty Lee turned her head to stare out a window thoughtfully. She seemed to be collecting her thoughts. After a moment, she turned back to Amaya. “How much do you know of Azula’s past?”

Amaya furrowed her eyebrows. “I know she captured Ba Sing Se with the help of you and my mom, and that she was almost crowned Fire Lord. I know she chased my dad and the Avatar across the Earth Kingdom and that she stopped an invasion force from taking the Fire Nation Capital during the Day of Black Sun…” She trailed off. This was all common knowledge, but she knew Ty Lee was expecting—or looking—for more. She just couldn’t figure out what it was.

“That’s all true. But did you know that Azula killed Aang? Did you know that she sent me and Mai to jail for betraying her? Did you know that she went insane?”

Amaya swallowed.

“Azula always had to be perfect, even when we were kids. Her father demanded it of her, and she demanded it of herself—she still does to an extent.” Ty Lee hesitated. “Amaya, I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to promise that you won’t tell anyone else. And please don’t tell Azula. Okay? Thank you.”

For the next half hour, Amaya sat riveted in her chair as Ty Lee told her about Azula’s need for perfection, her disregard for others—even her friends—and about her decent into madness. She listened to how Zuko and the Avatar worked together to bring her back to sanity.

“She still has nightmares,” Ty Lee said. “And she’s changed a lot, but Mai doesn’t care. Mai will never forgive her. Zuko’s trust only extends so far and part of that is Azula’s fault because of her attitude. Aang is friendly, but… Katara is like Mai; she will never trust Azula and will never think she deserves a second chance. Toph is the closest thing to a friend Azula has besides me.

“And that’s what scares your parents. They can see you becoming like her. You’re a prodigy, you’re smart, you’re cunning, and you have an obvious ability to manipulate others, your friends in particular. And it’s no secret you admire Azula.”

Ty Lee fell silent. She appeared to struggle for more words but none came, and eventually she stood and placed a hand on Amaya’s shoulder. “Your parents don’t want you to end up like Azula has.”

“I’m not going to,” Amaya said, glaring.

I’m better than that. I’m smarter. But there was a sense of fear behind the thought now. What if she wasn’t smarter?

As if reading her thoughts, Ty Lee frowned and tightened her grip on Amaya’s shoulder. “Just think about what I’ve told you. Okay?”

Amaya nodded and followed Ty Lee to the door. Once Ty Lee had disappeared around a corner, Amaya slammed the door.

I am better than that. I am smarter.